the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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