All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
