i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
