So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
