I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
