Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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