So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
