omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
