Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
