Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
