my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
