your room smells of hookers.
And success
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
