oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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