1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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