I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
