The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
