You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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