Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
