i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
