Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
