I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
