So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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