38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
