And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
