he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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