I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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