Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
