when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
