I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
