How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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