so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
