Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
