I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
