After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
