how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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