Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Farmville is her only friend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
