well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
