I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
