This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
