Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
