you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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