Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
