addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
