I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
