I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
