I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
