so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Damn victory sex feels great
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
