yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
