so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
