I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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